Menu

Episode 23. John H. LaDue

This week I talk to LBP film maker John LaDue about his alienation from his Children in Japan, and his movie ‘Mommy or Daddy?’ which is dedicated to raising awareness of parental alienation in Japan.

Support John’s movie https://www.gofundme.com/mommy-or-daddy
https://vimeo.com/johnladue
https://www.facebook.com/johnhladue
Join the conversation on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/lbpstoriespodcast/

42 Replies to “Episode 23. John H. LaDue”

  1. Millions of children have a loving parent erased from their lives after divorce or separation. Erasing Family is the first documentary aimed at young adults to encourage them to reunite with their erased families.

    http://erasingfamily.org/

  2. Japan remains a haven for parental child abductions and a U.S. lawmaker Wednesday urged the Trump administration to do more to pressure the country to fulfill its obligations under international law.

    Rep. Chris Smith, R-N.J., said during congressional testimony that between 300 and 400 children of international marriages have been abducted from the U.S. to Japan since 1994, and that more than 35 are still awaiting reunification with their American parents.

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/04/11/lawmaker-u-s-needs-pressure-japan-comply-international-child-abduction-laws/508880002/

  3. Every year, in Japan, 150,000 children are torn away from a parent in the aftermath of a divorce. Now grown, a generation of young adults is demanding that the cycle of parental alienation ends with them.
    SYNOPSIS
    After an acrimonious divorce, Rita Shishikura’s husband forbade her from ever again seeing their son, Hizuki. The resulting alienation from her only child sent Rita’s life into a tailspin that eventually led to a suicide attempt, and resuscitation in the Emergency Room. Through the process of recovery, Rita’s self-pity turns into a desire to see her son again, sending her on a journey that brings unexpected allies into her world. Along with her newfound friends – from a group striving to reunite children with their parents – Rita discovers both the will to live and her purpose in life.
    https://vimeo.com/268690173

  4. Contrary to the dominant pedophile-stranger abduction narrative, nearly all child abductions are perpetrated by family members. Stranger abductions — certainly alarming and tragic — actually occur with “lightning-strike rarity,” as a report in the journal Criminal Justice Studies put it, in contrast to the more than 200,000 parental abductions committed each year that meet the criminal criteria and are not merely delayed visitations or misunderstandings.
    https://www.msn.com/…/perspective-most-kidnappe…/ar-AAoyGY8…

  5. Two central issues addressed in this article are the extent to which young children’s time should be spent predominantly in the care of the same parent or divided more evenly between both parents, and whether children under the age of 4 should sleep in the same home every night or spend overnights in both parents’ homes. A broad consensus of accomplished researchers and practitioners agree that, in normal circumstances, the evidence supports shared residential arrangements for children under 4 years of age whose parents live apart from each other. Because of the well-documented vulnerability of father–child relationships among never-married and divorced parents, the studies that identify overnights as a protective factor associated with increased father commitment to child rearing and reduced incidence of father drop-out, and the absence of studies that demonstrate any net risk of overnights, policymakers and decision makers should recognize that depriving young children of overnights with their fathers could compromise the quality of developing father-child relationships. Sufficient evidence does not exist to support postponing the introduction of regular and frequent involvement, including overnights, of both parents with their babies and toddlers. The theoretical and practical considerations favoring overnights for most young children are more compelling than concerns that overnights might jeopardize children’s development. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2016 APA, all rights reserved)
    http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-03984-002

  6. Contrary to the views of many professionals, when parents are asked about the essential needs of their children during and after parental separation, children’s emotional, psychological, social, moral and spiritual needs are seen to be of paramount importance. But what exactly are these “metaphysical” needs? Can we enumerate these needs and thereby establish a more precise definition of the “best interests of the child”?
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201502/what-exactly-is-the-best-interest-the-child-part-2

  7. According to the work of Dr. Craig Childress, parental alienation is first and foremost an attachment-based trauma. Attachment-based parental alienation is essentially a role reversal of a normal, healthy parent-child relationship. Instead of serving as a “regulatory other,” which involves providing stability and meeting the child’s emotional and psychological needs, alienating parents use their children to meet their own needs, violating boundaries and seriously compromising and damaging the child’s healthy development.
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201711/the-life-the-alienated-parent

  8. Parental alienation is essentially the forced removal of a child from the life of a parent, and the forced removal of a parent from the life of a child. It has two principal components: a planned strategy on the part of an alienator to effect such an estrangement, and severe negative consequences to the physical, emotional, social and spiritual well-being, and safety of both the target parent and child.
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201806/the-forced-removal-children-parental-care

  9. I’m really looking forward to seeing John’s movie. I think it will be great for Japan. They still have so much progress to make.

  10. The Third International Conference on Shared Parenting recently concluded, co-sponsored by the National Parents Organization and the International Council on Shared Parenting. The theme of this year’s conference related to the concept of the “best interests of the child” in divorce, the source of protracted debate within both the academic and professional practice communities. Many years ago, Hilary Rodham, then a family lawyer, declared that children’s best interests are nothing more than an empty vessel into which adult prejudices are poured. Since that time, however, family scholars have taken a much more child-focused approach to the study of children’s needs and interests, a “best interests of the child from the perspective of the child” perspective.
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201706/understanding-children-s-best-interests-in-divorce

  11. Every day I receive emails from alienated parents and extended family members distraught over the suffering of their children as well as their own grief and frustrated by their powerlessness to protect their children from the egregious form of emotional child abuse that is parental alienation. In addition, I get numerous replies to my postings on the topic of parental alienation bemoaning the lack of concrete suggestions and solutions to the problem. I struggle in being unable to offer constructive advice or suggest practical steps that parents and extended family members can take, especially in light of the widespread professional misunderstanding and seeming indifference to the plight of these parents and their children.
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201711/parental-alienation-what-is-the-solution

  12. From Iceland, where coparenting is increasingly recognized as an essential element of gender equality (Iceland is the first country to legislate equal pay for women), to Turkey, where I heard an impassioned presentation by a woman’s studies scholar on the benefits of shared parenting for mothers (in a country where traditional roles and responsibilities of mothers are barriers to women’s advancement in the public realm), to Iran, where fathers are typically granted legal custody of children and mothers are at risk of being replaced in their role by fathers’ new partners, the appeal of shared parenting as the foundation of family law is being voiced by women’s and children’s advocates.
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201802/coparenting-women-s-rights-issue

  13. According to the 2007 UNICEF report on the well-being of children in economically advanced nations, children in the U.S., Canada and the U.K. rank extremely low in regard to social and emotional well-being in particular. Many theories have been advanced to explain the poor state of our nations’ children: child poverty, race and social class. A factor that has been largely ignored, however, particularly among child and family policymakers, is the prevalence and devastating effects of father absence in children’s lives.
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201205/father-absence-father-deficit-father-hunger

  14. Thanks John. All the previews of the movie I’ve seen have been in Japanese, Will there be an English language version?

  15. I’ve lived in Japan for a number of years and had no idea about how bad their family law system is. I hope things such as the work John is doing help make a difference.

  16. Actress ISLA FISHER:

    ‘You can’t underestimate how traumatic divorce is for the children. When your parents divorce, it makes you grow up fast. I’d urge parents to strongly consider working things out. I’d work things out and I’d definitely stay put. Especially if there were babies involved.’

  17. in Impact on child, Shared Parenting
    This mother shares the reality of shared parenting! Put the child first!!! She eloquently shares the emotional aspects of shared parenting-sharing holidays and life events with her co-parent. Children need both parents in their lives. If the child had two parents involved in their life before the divorce-the child should interact with two parents after the divorce.
    Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!!!
    LOVE WINS!!!! LOVE WINS!!!! LOVE WINS!!!!

  18. This is the reality of an adult child of divorce (ACOD) raised by a narcissistic parent. “I wanted to share this with you because…even as a 31 year old, the effects of mental abuse are still very real for me, especially when it comes to my mother. Years and years of mind control cannot be erased in a decade. Yes, I am in a good place now, but it is because I choose to be and have been very careful to ensure I am in this headspace. Breaking that connection takes work. And a simple phone call that wasn’t even answered and very well could have been an accidental butt-dial *could* have set me off wanting my mother’s attention and love; it happened to me many times over the years. I know it’s a blackhole though. I have to be strong, for myself. Please try to keep this in mind and empathize with your alienated loved one. The emotional trauma of being raised by an alienator never goes away… Be strong and stay strong. Much love.” –

  19. Confess your feelings of betrayal, fear, heartache or humiliation that you have experienced in your divorce or co-parenting situation.

    Share a setting that you regret or a situation that may have caused anguish, misery or sorrow for your co-parent. Or, reveal actions that may have promoted emotional pain or unhappiness for your child.

    Confessions are not limited to heartache only. Please share heartwarming moments and happy experiences you have experienced in divorce and shared parenting too! Perhaps, something your co-parent did or said that has enhanced your co-parenting relationship.

    Here is anopportunity to share the confessions about your divorce or co-parenting experiences. This can be something that you have told to family and friends or a private thought that has remained a secret…….until now. Focus on extreme moments of individual experiences.

    This is a place to confess what your co-parent did or said that led to your feelings of betrayal, fear or humiliation. Write about something that you enacted, a statement or a thought you expressed that caused grief for your co-parent, your child or yourself.

    We learn from others experiences and situations. Perhaps in reading these scenarios, co-parents can identify with issues they are also experiencing. Hopefully,one can see how some actions can have long-term negative effects and cause pain for their co-parent or child! Importantly, by reading these stories co-parents can see that they are not alone in the thoughts and feelings surrounding their divorce and co-parenting relationship.
    https://sharedparentingconfessional.com/category/a-childs-view/

  20. Let us be very clear – CAFCASS has no or no proper knowledge of Parental Alienation. For over 15 years PA has been swept under the carpet & poor practice complaints have been fobbed off.
    Most staff have yet to undergo PA training & Anthony Douglas claims this will take 10 years? Yet on this basis Cafcass claims to be ‘expert’?
    Cursory analysis of its High Conflict Pathway reveals that it is not fit for purpose. Thus, parents & professionals should continue to remain gravely concerned for children caught up in conflict over child arrangements.
    https://www.familylaw.co.uk/news_and_comment/cafcass-launches-ground-breaking-pilot-scheme-to-crack-down-on-parental-alienation#.W1cg9NUzaM9

  21. Или нажмите сюда, чтобы написать нам.Помощь, советы, статьи и инструкции обслуживанию, монтажу и применении пластиковых окон. Гарантийный ремонт и обслуживание пластикового окна от производителя предоставляются, как правило, сроком до двух лет. Затем, наклонив створку на себя, снимаете её со штока нижней петли. Если окно не получится отремонтировать, его замещение осуществляется следующим образом: Уход за окнами, несколько важных правил. поменять рамы в окнах Москва. Поэтому пришла в негодность кровля, все оконные блоки, венцы бруса наружной стены сгнили, а фундамент дома надо усиливать. Мы стараемся сберечь имеющийся ремонт в тех случаях когда это возможно.

  22. We need more media reporting on Japan’s horrible family law system. Thanks for being brave enough to do this John.

  23. I live in Japan and have actually seen John in media occasionally. I had no idea he’s gone through something like this. Well done John for raising awareness of this issue and good luck with the movie. Japans archaic family law system needs to change

  24. Japan is such a mixed up country. In some ways more advanced than others, then decades behind in others

  25. Parental alienation needs to be a recognised form of child abuse and a form of recognised psychiatric harm punishable within the criminal justice system. Both children and parents have a Right to Private and Family life, so why should one party be enabled to interfere with those rights?

    There is currently little regard towards the term ‘parental alienation’ due to the absence of a definition but has been characterised by CAFCASS to state that it includes behaviours such as:

    constantly badmouthing or belittling the other [parent]; limiting contact; forbidding discussion about them; and creating the impression that the other parent dislikes or does not love the child. At the extreme end, it can become irrational contact denial – trying to force the child to reject the parent to make the ex-partner an ex-parent as well.

    Children do not have the power to ascertain their rights through the court systems; their parents are ultimately their voice and their safe-haven. They believe their parents will do the best they can for them…

    So, what happens when the residing parent turns the child against the other parent? Or accusations are made merely to prevent or restrict contact? Or the process of the court proceedings are purposely delayed? False accusations are made towards the non-residing parent to delay things further?

    Affects to the child:

    Emotional abuse,
    Uncertainty, Confusion,
    Hostile environments,
    Lack of communication,
    Loss of concentration,
    The loss of other important relationship such as siblings, aunts, uncles, nans, grandads etc.
    …and many other negative effects in every aspect of a child’s life.

    Affects to the Non-residing parent:

    Loss of a relationship,
    Depression,
    Lack of support,
    Financial hardship after paying for mediation (and possibly refusal to mediate certificate dependant on residing parents co-operation)
    Court costs
    Cost for representation if needed.
    Costs of proving against false allegations (ie. Alcohol/Drug testing).

    Affects to the ‘Parent with care’:

    None? – Their ultimate aims were achieved, contact was prolonged, children are emotionally scarred and the parent with care gets away with no repercussions.
    Whilst I have closely witnessed many of the above factors during a Civil court case that was drawn out for over a year, domestic violence allegations in attempt to obtain legal aid, an alcohol misuse allegation delaying courts and costing close to £1,000 to prove otherwise and many, many other delaying tactics presented by the Mother to ensure that the Father was met with hurdles and barriers in reaching a Child Arrangements Order.

    I was originally appalled at the lack of regard for fathers and upholding their Human Right regarding their private and family life but had to take a step back and examine the Civil Court system objectively. I soon realised that the system works simultaneously alongside the help of CAFCASS and any other official whose involvement was needed in order to protect the child(ren) and if the judges were to provide more leniency to the ‘non-residing parent’ when faced with accusations, they could ultimately be subjecting children to dangerous situations in other cases and they are merely doing all the investigations they had to whilst putting child arrangements orders on hold. This system is wholly useful in investigating and tackling issues in ensuring the child’s safety.

    Unfortunately, the parent-with-care CAN and WILL utilise the fact false allegations mean investigations are needed and will sever any contact being established until innocence is proven. Falsified claims ultimately prolong the time to establish contact between the parent and the child, provides further costs for the accused parent to prove their innocence, provides additional stress and conflict in their private life, wastes time of Judges, provides longer waits for court dates, CAFCASS’ involvement is exploited but ultimately the biggest damage is directly to the children involved. There are currently no repercussions for preventing/limiting contact, causing the other parties distress, causing financial loss to see the child(ren) or for purposefully delaying proceedings; all of which is limiting contact between the child and their parent.

    What can be done to prevent false allegation cases?

    The best option is to prevent and deter any falsified claims as far as possible.

    Deterring the parent-with-care from delaying any Court proceedings will ensure the court procedure is dealt with quickly and efficiently. Dettering lies and falsified claims makes the situation for children less hostile. Making the bad-mouthing of the other parent ‘parental alienation’ prevents the emotional abuse children are suffering from or any evidenced discouragment of the relationship a criminal offence deters and prevents prolonged court cases and could potentially see more efficient co-operation from the parent-with-care.

    Contact should not be intentionally severed and evidence of such Act should be a Criminal Offence.

    I ask and seek your help to get this matter heard by Parliament.

    Children do not have the power to fight for their rights, help make sure ‘parents with care’ cannot restrict them!

    https://www.change.org/p/uk-parliament-make-parental-alienation-a-criminal-offence

  26. This parent makes a succinct declaration of the impact of PA has had in their life! Many families are torn apart due to PA behavioral tendencies. Sadly, too many children are forced to deal with emotional heartache and inner grief resulting from one parent choosing to engage in behaviors complicating the child’s relationship with their parent. A child has a right to have a loving relationship with BOTH parents!

  27. Is family court fair? Do both parents have equal rights? What ruling should be made? Sometimes, judges and attorneys know what the outcome should be in custody rulings One parent shares their devastating experience in family court.

    “I had the exact same situation today in court (in discussing a similar case) she was caught right out lying on several occasions and I lost. I told how she mistreated me and the kids. Without hesitation the judge gave it (custody) to her. The solicitor said I should have won. I’m appealing”.

  28. Divorce causes a fault line in families. I have had the misfortune to witness it twice at close range although my parents have never divorced and I have never married!

    My current partner and my ex were both married with kids. The sad thing in both cases is the mothers wanted the kids to side with them and used them as pawns which damaged them irreparably. Things were never the same and never healed.

    Kids are lied to, manipulated and led to believe their fathers are the worst thing on this earth which is not the case!

  29. The impact of a contentious divorce often ignites many “brushfires” in the extended family. It creates hostilities that spread to other relationships and spawn additional cutoffs. In Mel’s family, the divorce resulted in estrangement, not only from his son, but between Ned and the older generation, depriving Mel’s parents of the role of grandparent. Because of the bitter antagonism between Mel and Marla, Ned grew up without a father. They connected only after he reached adulthood. In many divorced families, there are complex patterns of separation and re-alignment, interspersed with repeated accusations and retaliations. Mel’s story was played out over a period of more than thirty years. It took a long time for the bonding between father and son to develop. We cannot know if Marla has resolved her anger and moved on to build a new life. We do know that in many families in which a divorce has occurred, no complete healing or repair is possible. For Mel and Ned, there is the gratification of knowing that a prolonged separation has been transformed into a meaningful, harmonious relationship.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *