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Episode 53. Housekeeping, news, music and ‘that’ Australian Senator

This week I cover a wide range of topics, from plans for the show moving forward, law changes in the U.S. and Australia, and my thoughts on comments made by Australian Senator Pauline Hanson on family courts, a speech that is being widely shared by fathers groups. The keep the show from being just myself talking I’ve featured some songs written and performed by alienated parents, and one song by my favourite band.
Join the discussion on facebook https://www.facebook.com/lbpstoriespodcast/
US Family law courts
https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/social-issues/more-than-20-states-in-2017-considered-laws-to-promote-shared-custody-of-children-after-divorce/2017/12/11/d924b938-c4b7-11e7-84bc-5e285c7f4512_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.8543af8c7115
http://www.wandtv.com/story/37801201/missouri-legislators-consider-bills-advocating-for-shared-parenting-time
http://lw4sp.org/blog/2017/2/24/twenty-five-states-consider-shared-parenting-bills-in-2017
http://www.nkytribune.com/2017/06/new-shared-custody-legislation-becomes-law-in-kentucky-july-1-existing-arrangements-not-impacted/
Australian family law reform
https://www.alrc.gov.au/news-media/media-release/family-law-system-IP

Fact Check Pauline Hanson
http://www.factcheckonenation.com.au/

Buy ‘Stolen’
https://itunes.apple.com/ca/artist/stolen./id998756328

39 Replies to “Episode 53. Housekeeping, news, music and ‘that’ Australian Senator”

  1. Data shows that people who were forcibly separated from their families as children experienced significant, long-lasting negative impacts: they were almost twice as likely to be charged with a crime as adults, 60 percent more likely to have alcohol use disorders, and more than twice as likely to have gambling problems.

    Surveys found that even the children of people who’d been separated from their parents in Australia had more than double the average risk of emotional and behavioural difficulties.
    https://www.sciencealert.com/this-is-the-psychological-damage-caused-by-separating-kids-from-their-parents-according-to-experts

  2. ENCOURAGING THE CHILDREN

    Often the alienating parent says they are “encouraging the children” to make contact with the other parent. But as we know there is a lot of emotional confiding and distorted communications going on which causes the child to reject the targeted parent.

    I was reading the “Parental Alienation Handbook for Mental Health and Legal Professionals. Here are some good questions the alienating parent should be asked in court.

    It is not the questions that are the emphasis here, but how the parents respond will tell you a lot.

    1. Ask the alienating parent: “Are you concerned about your child not going on visits?”
    2. Ask the alienating parent: “How have you changed your conduct when you see your encouragement is not working?”
    3. Ask the alienating parent: “What have you done differently to show your concern?
    The formula for the questions is: guidance-boundaries-incentives-consequences
    a. Guidance in your status calls on cases, ask the parents to tell the court (put this on the record) “What guidance do you give to your child about the other parent?”
    b. Boundaries . . . ask “What boundaries are in your household, what do you do when they are broken, what are the rules of the household?”
    c. Incentives . . . ask, “What incentives do you have for doing chores, and so on?” then ask “What incentives do you give your child to go on visits?”
    d. Consequences . . . ask, “What are the consequences in your household for low grades, not cleaning the room, and so on. What are consequences if you child does not go on the visits?”

    Judges comments: Try to find out if they have used their best skill set, and it still does not work. What you want to look for: They are either lying about their good faith efforts to foster visitation or they are a completely ineffective parents. It may be that unless there is a transfer of custody, the situation cannot be turned around. Make sure you always have a court reporter for this questioning. I have ordered that these transcripts follow the case. It is important that the next judge see it before alienators have a chance to clean up their testimony.
    https://www.amazon.com/Parental-Alienation-Handbook-Professionals-Behavioral/dp/0398088810

  3. “Suicide: The Ripple Effect” is a feature length documentary film and MOVEMENT, focusing on the devastating effects of suicide and the tremendous positive ripple effects of advocacy, inspiration and hope that are helping millions heal & stay alive.
    http://suicidetherippleeffect.com/

  4. CAPITOL HILL —
    Fighting back tears before a Senate panel, American physician Chris Brann on Tuesday recounted the abduction of his son, Nicholas, who was taken to Brazil in 2012.

    “This is best described as a living death,” Brann said in a halting, emotion-laden voice. “He [Nicholas] was 3 years old when he was unilaterally ripped out of my life, moved to a country he had never lived in, to a language he didn’t speak, to a culture he didn’t understand.”

    Brann added, “I’ve never been allowed to be there for his birthday, to be there for Christmas. You can’t know what that feels like until you’ve been in that situation. As a father, there are times I feel like a failure because I wasn’t able to protect my boy.”
    https://www.voanews.com/a/international-child-abductions-draw-outcry-capitol-hill/4363135.html

  5. A government panel is considering making it easier for children to be handed over to parents who have secured custody even if the former spouse defies a court order to let them go, sources close to the matter said Tuesday.

    The Justice Ministry advisory panel plans to allow the hand-over of children to parents who have won custody, even in the absence of the parent defying the court order, the sources said.
    https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2018/06/26/national/crime-legal/justice-ministry-panel-looks-enforce-custody-transfers-absence-uncooperative-parents/#.Wz3Vi9UzaM9

  6. In its latest advertising campaign, detergent brand Omo features a young boy reading from a homemade Father’s Day card.

    “Thank you for always being there for me,” the boy reads, sitting on a coffee table. “You taught me how to build a fire, to tie a tie and hammer a hammer.”

    The camera then cuts to the person receiving the card. “Gogo, you are my hero!” the boy says, hugging his smiling grandmother.

    The ad opened with a stark statistic: “57% of SA kids are raised without fathers”. A reader flagged it for fact-checking.
    https://africacheck.org/reports/are-57-of-south-african-kids-raised-without-fathers/

  7. Allegations made in post divorce and separation cases are described by Blush and Ross in their work on the SET analysis and S.A.I.D syndrome. Put simply, it is possible to consider cases where allegations made from the perspective of power dynamics, that is, to think about who gains power over the children or advantage in the case when an allegation is made. Using this approach, it is possible to begin to understand the reasons why such allegations arise at given points in cases and why, for example, allegations that harm was done in the past, were not raised in the past but instead raised retrospectively to cause concern about the capacity of a parent to care for a child post separation.
    https://karenwoodall.blog/2018/07/07/the-emotional-and-psychological-terrorist-false-allegations-in-parental-alienation/

  8. I appreciate the work you do Paul, I think things like youtube and patreon could open a lot more doors for you and help raise awareness further.

  9. Keep up the good work Paul. You’re doing something that is good and helpful to so many people. We can’t thank you enough for this.

  10. I’ve had issues with Pauline Hanson for a long time. I was a member of some fathers support groups on facebook, as being alientated from my father myself, I know what it’s like to be denied access to a Dad. But many of these groups supported Hanson and did not welcome people who didn’t support her.I agree with you Paul, she is the worst person possible to be aligned with this movement and we need to be as far away from her as possible.

  11. Thank you for all the work you do and for the effort you put into each show Paul. I really appreciate it

  12. The Second International Conference on Shared Parenting, organized by the International Council on Shared Parenting (ICSP), has recently concluded. Following the Council’s successful first conference on bridging the gap between empirical evidence and socio-legal practice, the aim of the second conference was to identify best practices for the legislative and psycho-social implementation of shared parenting. This was the second international gathering of scholars, practitioners and NGO representatives specializing in the field of co-parenting, with over twenty countries represented.
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201604/consensus-statement-the-implementation-co-parenting

  13. On the run-up to the recent launch of NAAP sent out a 175 page document demanding the law is changed to protect children and parents alike when a marriage or relationship hits the rocks.

    The document – which you can read here https://www.consumerwatchfoundation.com/category/parental-alienation-the-report/ – has been put together by lawyers, psychologists and alienation experts and has been sent to social services, Cafcass, Britain’s courts and Parliament.

  14. You’ve heard the phrase “it takes two to tango?” Well parent alienation requires an antagonist and an antagonised, a targeter and a target and a resident parent and a non-resident, in that order.

    While there are a few exceptions to the rule, because parent alienation is the act of one parent turning the children against the other parent in order to exclude them from their lives, the alienator’s greatest weapons are time and proximity to the kids. So, for that reason, they tend to be the resident parent, often the one who has used the children to acquire the combined assets of the family. This tends to cause a great deal of ill will.

    That is why it is such a lucrative but frankly filthy business and why alienators are so reviled by those in the know. So no surprise that no-one wanted to step forward for this interview as they’re either in denial or hiding in plain sight.

    So much credit to Lizzy (not her real name), who describes herself as reformed following over a decade of war with her ex over parenting their children.
    https://daddydontyouwalksofast.wordpress.com/2018/06/09/the-shadow-on-the-wall-interview-with-an-alienating-parent/

  15. It’s so good to see an alienated father speaking out against Pauline Hanson. Too many fell for her empty promises and bullshit.

  16. My mom denies how painful the divorce was for my brothers and I. Once we grew up, she openly mocked the statistics demonstrating poorer outcomes for children whose parents divorced, because we didn’t suffer any of the social pathologies to which we were statistically more susceptible:

    none of us ended up in jail
    all of us graduated from high school
    all of us went to college (two of us finished and even went to grad school: one became a lawyer, one became a veterinarian; the third stopped college but joined the Navy and became a nuclear technician on a fast-attack submarine)
    none of us developed a problem with drugs or alcohol
    Now that we’ve all “turned out all right,” my mom continues to mock the above statistics, but what she cannot detect because it cannot be measured is the emotional pain, the psychological upheaval, and the gap in our upbringing and personal development due to the absence of our father.

    There is one other “social pathology” to which children of divorce are more susceptible—one that my mom conveniently ignores: it is much more likely that our own marriages will end in divorce.

    Mine already has. I’m in an interesting cohort: the first generation of kids affected by the new “no-fault” divorce laws. (My parents divorced in 1975, when I was 9). My children are in another interesting cohort: the kids of the kids of the first no-fault divorces.

    I have looked at divorce “from both sides now,” and no matter how you look at it, it stinks. As I was descending the steps of the courthouse after my divorce (I was the respondent, my husband was the petitioner), my attorney, wet-behind-the-ears and unwise, said, “Congratulations. He’s out of your life forever.” I just shook my head and said to him, “If only that were true.” Earlier in the divorce proceedings, an older attorney at the firm had spoken more wisely: “In a way, divorce is almost worse than death, because the relationship ends badly and then you still have to deal with the person as an adversary, at least until all the children grow up. And even then, sometimes the conflict doesn’t end.”

    That is my experience exactly. People get divorced because they think it will solve all their problems. In reality, all it does is exchange one terrible set of problems for a completely different but equally terrible set of problems. What a sad inheritance to pass on to one’s children. I’m 46 years old, my kids are 21, 20, and 16, and we’re all still feeling it.

    .

    .

    Shared on marriage-ecosystem.org by CTW.

    Link to this story: http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/turned-out-all-right.html

  17. No child should have to see their parents fight.

    Artist shares a descriptive poem about divorce:

    Momma please stop cryin, I can’t stand the sound
    Your pain is painful and its tearin’ me down
    I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed
    I told dad you didn’t mean those nasty things you
    said

    You fight about money, bout me and my brother
    And this I come home to, this is my shelter
    It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
    Never knowin what love could be, you’ll see
    I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done
    my family

    Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
    I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything
    Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
    I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t
    leave

    Daddy please stop yellin, I can’t stand the sound

    Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around
    My mama she loves you, no matter what she says
    its true
    I know that she hurts you, but remember I love
    you, too

    I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
    Don’t wanna go back to that place, but don’t have
    no choice, no way
    It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
    Never knowin what love could be, well I’ve seen
    I don’t want love to destroy me like it did my
    family

    Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
    I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything
    Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
    I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t
    leave

    In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
    Let’s play pretend, let’s act like it comes
    naturally
    I don’t wanna have to split the holidays
    I don’t want two addresses
    I don’t want a step-brother anyways
    And I don’t want my mom to have to change her
    last name

    In our family portrait we look pretty happy
    We look pretty normal, let’s go back to that
    In our family portrait we look pretty happy
    Let’s play pretend, act like it goes naturally

    “Family Portrait” by P!nk

  18. An adult child of divorce shares their thoughts on divorce and the ever-present impact on their life. A child should have access to both parents. Notably, a child will figure out what happened and express thoughts on what SHOULD have happened.
    For me the hardest part of my parents’ divorce was adjusting to having two families. One, that my mom wanted me to be in and one that my mom did not want me to be a part of-with my dad. The divorce doesnt bother me. What does bother me is being made to feel guilty for wanting to spend time with my dad. To say it does not bring pain, doubts, and questions would be a lie.

  19. LISON EASTWOOD (daughter of Clint Eastwood)

    ‘My parents divorced when I was six. I had to grow up very fast. It’s hard as a kid not to take a break-up personally. Even if your parents say, ‘You did nothing wrong’, there’s still a part of you that thinks, ‘Is it me? Do they not love me?’ You feel like the glue that sticks them together, and when that comes undone, there’s always that awful little thing in the back of your mind. I felt rejected and that affects your self-esteem.’

  20. Actor and former footballer VINNIE JONES:

    ‘I had a brilliant childhood until Mum and Dad divorced when I was 13. That changed my life because it was like one of your parents dying. Divorce makes you rebel – it gives you insecurities and a licence to do what you want, because your mum and dad are always playing a game with you.’

    Socialite TAMARA ECCLESTONE

    ‘All I wanted was for Mum and Dad to get back together. I felt like everything I’d known had gone. When they split up, I took refuge in food. I ate and ate and ate. But still I couldn’t fill the void. When they divorced I found it hard to deal with. It was a big change – and I’m not good with chan

  21. An example of the trauma that parental conflict can cause. This individual now views a major holiday differently because of the fighting. If that is not bad enough, they now try to AVOID the holiday all together. All because of parents fighting!
    I know the filling about parents fighting. My parent are not divorced but they were really close to it. I had to watch my mom and dad fight and it’s a sad sight to say that I didn’t even talk to them for a while till it cooled down. Whats worst is on a Thanksgiving when our whole family was coming. Thanksgiving was ruined! I will never go to my family Thanksgiving dinner again. I will keep trying to avoid that day.

    .

  22. My Dad and I had an amazing trip to Italy together a few years ago. We were sitting in an outside cafe in Tuscany laughing about how neither one of us could have predicted after all the years of parental alienation and silence that we could have the relationship we have. We were so grateful and toasted my mom with a laugh that she wouldn’t have believed it! There is #hopeafteralienation

    FB: Ryan Thomas Speaks

    Post: https://www.facebook.com/ryanthomasspeaks/photos/a.769625889769229.1073741828.768468579884960/769625696435915/?type=1&theater

  23. I want to express my appreciation to the writer just for bailing me out of this type of setting. After looking through the world wide web and getting views that were not beneficial, I assumed my entire life was well over. Existing without the presence of solutions to the difficulties you have solved all through your entire write-up is a crucial case, and ones that might have negatively damaged my entire career if I hadn’t come across your blog. Your own personal mastery and kindness in dealing with all areas was tremendous. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had not discovered such a step like this. I can now look forward to my future. Thanks for your time very much for this reliable and results-oriented help. I will not hesitate to refer your web site to anyone who requires assistance about this issue.

  24. Well done for speaking up against that national disgrace Pauline Hanson. More people need to do that.

  25. This father shares a harrowing account of his experience with divorce and the Family Court system. Seemingly, he is destroyed emotionally, professionally, spiritually. This father has been stripped of the dignity in being a parent, a professional and a member of society. The responsibility he demonstrates is abused and unnoticed. THIS is the impact of decisions in the Family Court room.

    Family Court reform is a MUST!

    The presumption of 50-50 custody is needed.

    False allegations with no repercussions is a major problem.

    Go to: http://www.RateMYFamilyCourt.com

  26. So I’m kicking back on my family holiday, away from all the problems back home. Spending real family time together and getting to know my child, more than I ever did before. His snoring keeps me awake at night, so I stand on the balcony. I stop and think, was the disputes and courts necessary? Was all the money worth my final outcome? Will things get better in the future? It’s a lot to think and worry about. Then I look backs into the room and there he is smiling while sleeping. I smile, because all my question were answered! Damn right it was worth it because I love him and I know he needs me too. Who’s going to show him how to be a man if daddy isn’t there? I’m sure mummy can’t do that, no offence. We are different genders and have different roles for a reason don’t we?

  27. One father shares the humiliation he experienced due to false accusations by his ex. This is the reality for many fathers (and some mothers). Fathers’ lives are RUINED because of the lies and games played and the lack of support within the Family Court system.

    This speaks to the need for Family Court reform.

    Looking back over the past 3 years I can see that I was in a deep state of depression. I was ashamed because of the lies and accusations made by my ex. I was ashamed because I was unable to protect my children from my wife who had ‘mental health problems.

    I was falsely accused and labeled as an abuser. I lost my job. I had to move into my parents home. I was labeled as a trouble maker in my county’s courthouse. The self-help division of family court even refused to help me. The pain and shame I experienced will NEVER leave me.

    I am unable to hold my head up high. I can not live a normal life because of what my ex did.

    The pain and shame will stay with me forever!

  28. To my daughters,

    I miss you and love you very much. I promise we will get through this abuse and have a normal life someday soon. You are both so brave and strong to be dealing with this, hang in there, daddy is here for you.

    xoxoxo

  29. Is family court fair? Do both parents have equal rights? What ruling should be made? Sometimes, judges and attorneys know what the outcome should be in custody rulings One parent shares their devastating experience in family court.

    “I had the exact same situation today in court (in discussing a similar case) she was caught right out lying on several occasions and I lost. I told how she mistreated me and the kids. Without hesitation the judge gave it (custody) to her. The solicitor said I should have won. I’m appealing”.

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