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Episode 55. Vikram Jagtiani

I’ve spoken on this show a few times about India. India is another ‘black hole’ for International Parental Child Abduction, and is in fact one of the top 3 in the world for abduction cases. Today I finally talk to a father who’s daughter was abducted by her mother to India from the U.S. Vikram Jagtiani. Vikram is not only an LBP but also a campaigner for raising awareness of IPCA with the organisation Bring our kids home. This is his story.
Also in this episode is audio from a video on the Bring our kids home Webpage which features several parents discussion their story.
Finally with so much bad news in the media lately, and inspired by the horrific scenes in the U.S. of children being forcibly removed from their parents I have audio of ‘The Pale Blue Dot’ by Carl Sagan. Something that always helps me put things in perspective.

Bring our kids home http://www.bringourkidshome.org/index.html
https://www.facebook.com/BOKHome/
Watch the Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9STrkTbOMY
Nidhi Sharma’s song “Na Rukengey” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AatTMEB00g
Carl Sagan “Pale Blue Dot” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wupToqz1e2g

Join the discussion on facebook https://www.facebook.com/lbpstoriespodcast/

23 Replies to “Episode 55. Vikram Jagtiani”

  1. Parental Child Abduction is a CRIME and Child Abuse!
    Each year more than a 1,000 American children are reported abducted from the United States to other countries. Between 2010-14, 6,000 cases were reported. Less than 40% of the abducted children are returned. India is the No. 1 non-Hague Abduction Convention signatory destination of IPCA from the United States and No. 3 overall (U.S. Department of State, 2015)

    Bring Our Kids Home is a parent-led organization seeking the immediate return of children, kidnapped from the United States to India. This is in response to the alarming rate of child abductions to India and the lack of India’s cooperation in resolving these cases, point to decades of public policy missteps and the inaction by the United States to protect interests of American children and families.

    Since our founding, we have engaged the United States and Indian Governments to establish a robust legal path for the return of abducted children and prevent future parental child abductions from both nations.

    Bring Our Kids Home has worked actively on victim support, policy research, advocacy and awareness campaigns. Since 2015, Bring Our Kids Home has continued to deepen our engagement in the above areas, while expanding our capabilities to serve victims and the public interest, with regard to International parental child abduction (“IPCA”).
    http://www.bringourkidshome.org/index.html

  2. It seems that Mr. Adam Whittington CEO of CARI and Project Rescue Children (PRC) is being called out. He has been on a hate mission against anyone that he fears may be taking away his business for many years now. Adam Whittington has posted slanderous statements against those he considers “foes” for many years and the evidence is posted on a new website that has links to proof of all of the claims made by it.
    https://abpworldgroup.com/2018/03/30/whittingtoncari-com-launched-to-allow-people-to-understand-the-truth-behind-notorious-child-abduction-gang-leader-adam-whittington/

  3. Surviving Parental Alienation: Healing at Home
    Moderator: Dr. Noelle Hunter

    iStand Board Member Scott Berne is a parental abduction survivor of an infamous case which
    received national and international media and legal attention. Scott’s story was the test case for
    the first federal legislation to address international parental kidnapping. Today, Scott shares his
    experiences to help promote a true understanding of the relevance of parental abduction in our
    society, as well as the harmful effects on the children. Scott’s motto is Awareness + Education =
    Prevention.

    Upon the separation of his parents, Scott Berne’s entire world turned upside-down. When an ugly
    custody battle ensued, Scott became an innocent pawn in his mother’s attempt to destroy his father. As the mental health of Scott’s mother deteriorated, her behavior turned increasingly erratic – burning down their family home, hiring a hit man to kill Scott’s father, and finally, abducting Scott and his younger brother on their first unsupervised visitation after their father received full and permanent custody.

    Scott was taken to five countries and thirteen residences by his mother over a period of two years, instilling life-long instability, trust issues, anxiety and panic issues as well as exposure to life-threatening abuse and circumstances. Scott was miraculously recovered thanks to a babysitter who called the police after seeing Scott’s face in a missing child ad printed in the August 1981 edition of Ladies’ Home Journal. Scott’s mother was dramatically captured, and the case gripped national and international coverage as the
    State of Texas, where they were found, fought to recognize the custody of Scott’s father in New York. During this time, Scott and his younger brother spent several weeks in juvenile hall, due to the non-existence of proper protocol for caring for recovered kidnapped children.

    Today, Scott is a member of iStand Parent Network Board of Directors and a children’s rights advocate who has retold his experiences to many audiences and through his book, “Extraordinary Circumstances,” currently being sold all over the world. He has appeared on “Oprah” and throughout the talk-show circuit to spread the word that the results of parental abduction on the children are life-long, and that education is the only remedy. He most recently appeared on the Inspiring Lives with Dr. Shellie show on the CBS affiliate in Pittsburgh, an hour-long television talk show that focuses on individuals who strive to make a difference in our
    society.
    Scott is an active board member and spokesperson for the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. He speaks regarding his experiences at events to help show just how real the issue of parental abduction is and the effects on the children. Scott works on his own and with the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children with the goals of education, prevention and stronger laws to protect children.
    https://vimeo.com/133233674

  4. Donald Trump’s cruel administration has reached a new low.

    Immigration enforcement agents have been ripping children away from their parents at the border and locking them up in literal cages.1 Now, reports of rampant child abuse in detention facilities are rising and one immigrant parent even committed suicide.2,3 We need to put a stop to this barbaric practice now.

    Sen. Tina Smith and Rep. Lucille Roybal-Allard have introduced legislation that would protect the rights of children and families in detention. Add your name now to demand that Congress advance this bill.

    https://act.credoaction.com/sign/families_belong_together?source-fb_post

  5. “Prolonged stress (also known as toxic stress) can permanently disrupt the structure and function of a child’s developing brain. These changes can manifest as greater likelihood of adopting unhealthy behaviors (e.g., smoking and illicit drug use), increased risk of diseases (e.g., obesity, heart disease and cancer), depression and socioeconomic inequalities.”
    https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/my-son-is-not-the-same-new-testimony-paints-bleak-picture-of-family-separation

  6. Thanks for highlighting the situation in India, this is a massive problem we need people to be aware of.

  7. he remains of divorce!

    This adult child (age 20) of divorce shares the pain and emotional turmoil of divorce.

    .“It has been four years since the divorce. I do not know what it is like to love or be loved unconditionally. I find it hopeless to even try for fear of this gut wrenching pain I knew/know from loving two of the most wonderful people in the world, mom and dad. I do not know if I will ever heal, when will this torment in my head and heart finally cease? I am 20 years old and I want nothing to do with marriage nor children. I am chained by the wounds of those that should have loved me the most, and I am confused”.

    .

    Divorceandkids.com: http://www.divorceandkids.com/Kids%20Quotes-Drawings/kids_quotes.htm#SADNESS

  8. My mother left because she was “not happy.” It was a simple answer, but it changed how I saw myself and everything else consequently. She said she had me out of wedlock, and back then felt pressured to marry, and no longer wished to stay with a man (my father) whom she didn’t truly love. She wanted to control her life, pursue her dreams, follow her destiny. But as far as I knew, she’d been doing that her whole life already.

    I would’ve felt sorry for her if I hadn’t been dumped off at day cares or distant relatives while she went to go out with her friends. I would’ve felt sorry for her if the reason I was at school so late wasn’t because she wanted a promotion at work. I would’ve felt sorry for her if the reason I was eating cereal and PB&J sandwiches every day wasn’t because she was too lazy to get me something to eat. I would’ve felt sorry for her if the only reason she took us out to Chuck-E-Cheeses wasn’t to be distracted and force us to play with the children of her adulterous lover.

    If my mother had left my father after selflessly giving herself to the end to put her child at least through high school, even better, college(!), than I would’ve said: “Hey, my mother may not have been happy, but she put her happiness below her love for her child and after all this sacrifice, I’d support a peaceable separation now that I’m out of the house and all grown up.” But she didn’t. Even while married, even while still responsible for kids, she prioritized her happiness. In the end, every major turn in my life after that day she walked out of the house when I was only 8 or 9 years old, would be a result of me (and my younger sister) riding on the back of her every decision to pursue her own happiness. Her every new house and apartment, her vain attempts to integrate her boyfriend and eventual (legal, though rightly not recognized by our Church) second husband, all leading up to the two new daughters she had with him.

    She was not “happy” she said, before she took control of her life. Now she was. But what puzzled me as a child was how every step towards her happiness meant my sadness. My alienation. My struggle. When she moved out of the house, I had to pack and unpack my entire life to accommodate each week where ever in the world she had decided to live next. As she introduced her boyfriend into our lives, I had to deal with the psychological guilt of being obedient and respectful to the man who was the cause of the divorce, the one who was the reason she’d come late to pick me up at school or leave me with virtual strangers to have dates. And once she had more children with him, step-siblings whom I love unconditionally for their is no personal fault in them, I had no choice but realize the sobering fact that HER happiness was contingent on whether she could replace her imperfect mistakes with my father (myself and my sister included) with children that were brought about in her state of new found happiness.

    She’ll never admit it to us though, that’s so buried down in her consciousness that only therapy can bring it out. But I noticed it! “I still love you.” She reminds us constantly. But love is supposed to be self-less and my whole life, the example of love has always been one that seeks to satisfy oneself before any obligation before that. Yes, my mother wasn’t happy in her marriage. But her children were. Her children had no idea of the gulf between father and mother. But rather than subordinate her desires, she fed them until the idea of putting her flesh and blood through such stress became feasible.

    I left my mother eventually, when I grew old enough to make the call. I was scandalized by a certain incident wherein I was forced to listen to her and her new significant others’ amorous activities without any consideration to my presence and my sensibilities and boundaries. In other words, I was tired of being second in her life. I was sick of a love which never took me into consideration. Since then I’ve been consistently with my father and his big loving Mexican family, many of which’s member’s have been the victims of affairs in their own failed marriages. We support each other, my uncles and aunts raise their siblings’ children as their own if they lack fathers or mothers and we cousins support each other like brothers and sisters.

    Thankfully, I’ve since learned what true love looks like with my true family. And you know what, it makes me happy to be no one’s liability or mistake, but to be loved and cared for. And I hope with all my heart to recreate the same with my family.

  9. Parental alienation needs to be a recognised form of child abuse and a form of recognised psychiatric harm punishable within the criminal justice system. Both children and parents have a Right to Private and Family life, so why should one party be enabled to interfere with those rights?

    There is currently little regard towards the term ‘parental alienation’ due to the absence of a definition but has been characterised by CAFCASS to state that it includes behaviours such as:

    constantly badmouthing or belittling the other [parent]; limiting contact; forbidding discussion about them; and creating the impression that the other parent dislikes or does not love the child. At the extreme end, it can become irrational contact denial – trying to force the child to reject the parent to make the ex-partner an ex-parent as well.

    Children do not have the power to ascertain their rights through the court systems; their parents are ultimately their voice and their safe-haven. They believe their parents will do the best they can for them…

    So, what happens when the residing parent turns the child against the other parent? Or accusations are made merely to prevent or restrict contact? Or the process of the court proceedings are purposely delayed? False accusations are made towards the non-residing parent to delay things further?

    Affects to the child:

    Emotional abuse,
    Uncertainty, Confusion,
    Hostile environments,
    Lack of communication,
    Loss of concentration,
    The loss of other important relationship such as siblings, aunts, uncles, nans, grandads etc.
    …and many other negative effects in every aspect of a child’s life.

    Affects to the Non-residing parent:

    Loss of a relationship,
    Depression,
    Lack of support,
    Financial hardship after paying for mediation (and possibly refusal to mediate certificate dependant on residing parents co-operation)
    Court costs
    Cost for representation if needed.
    Costs of proving against false allegations (ie. Alcohol/Drug testing).

    Affects to the ‘Parent with care’:

    None? – Their ultimate aims were achieved, contact was prolonged, children are emotionally scarred and the parent with care gets away with no repercussions.
    Whilst I have closely witnessed many of the above factors during a Civil court case that was drawn out for over a year, domestic violence allegations in attempt to obtain legal aid, an alcohol misuse allegation delaying courts and costing close to £1,000 to prove otherwise and many, many other delaying tactics presented by the Mother to ensure that the Father was met with hurdles and barriers in reaching a Child Arrangements Order.

    I was originally appalled at the lack of regard for fathers and upholding their Human Right regarding their private and family life but had to take a step back and examine the Civil Court system objectively. I soon realised that the system works simultaneously alongside the help of CAFCASS and any other official whose involvement was needed in order to protect the child(ren) and if the judges were to provide more leniency to the ‘non-residing parent’ when faced with accusations, they could ultimately be subjecting children to dangerous situations in other cases and they are merely doing all the investigations they had to whilst putting child arrangements orders on hold. This system is wholly useful in investigating and tackling issues in ensuring the child’s safety.

    Unfortunately, the parent-with-care CAN and WILL utilise the fact false allegations mean investigations are needed and will sever any contact being established until innocence is proven. Falsified claims ultimately prolong the time to establish contact between the parent and the child, provides further costs for the accused parent to prove their innocence, provides additional stress and conflict in their private life, wastes time of Judges, provides longer waits for court dates, CAFCASS’ involvement is exploited but ultimately the biggest damage is directly to the children involved. There are currently no repercussions for preventing/limiting contact, causing the other parties distress, causing financial loss to see the child(ren) or for purposefully delaying proceedings; all of which is limiting contact between the child and their parent.

    What can be done to prevent false allegation cases?

    The best option is to prevent and deter any falsified claims as far as possible.

    Deterring the parent-with-care from delaying any Court proceedings will ensure the court procedure is dealt with quickly and efficiently. Dettering lies and falsified claims makes the situation for children less hostile. Making the bad-mouthing of the other parent ‘parental alienation’ prevents the emotional abuse children are suffering from or any evidenced discouragment of the relationship a criminal offence deters and prevents prolonged court cases and could potentially see more efficient co-operation from the parent-with-care.

    Contact should not be intentionally severed and evidence of such Act should be a Criminal Offence.

    I ask and seek your help to get this matter heard by Parliament.

    Children do not have the power to fight for their rights, help make sure ‘parents with care’ cannot restrict them!

    https://www.change.org/p/uk-parliament-make-parental-alienation-a-criminal-offence

  10. I’m not sure exactly who made this event/March/ protest BUT I truly believe IF we ALL flood our capitals with signs and shirts and flyers or cards to pass out, I believe we could get some media coverage and that got the presidents attention about the families at the border let’s get his attention on American families and children being wrongly separated! I will get media coverage in Arkansas I NEED someone in every state to get media coverage in your own state!!! ALL 50 states getting media coverage the same day HAS to get us heard! I don’t know about everyone else BUT I’m tired of ppl ONLY advocating on FB but what frustrates me even more is the FACT MOST ppl asking “what can we do to change dcfs/CPS and family court Corruption curruption? Are the exact same ppl that make excuses when there’s a rally/protest/march/chance to tell their story on radio tv or in the newspaper. Excuses like “I don’t have a ride OR I have to work that day” November 5th is FOUR months away! NOW you HAVE time to get a ride and ask off work!!! NO EXCUSES will get your children home so STOP making them and start DOING something about it!!!!!!!!! I think I’m going to rent a bus that day and get as many people to the capital in my state as possible!!! Invite EVERYONE you know even IF they haven’t experienced curruption their selves! AMERICA we’ve said for farrrr to long we NEED to UNITE and spread awareness and demand change!

  11. You explain your story and situation so well and diplomatically Vicram. Well done. Many others would not be so level headed.

  12. A message for all parents! Kentucky Fathers (Facebook page) shares words of encouragement. Notably, this message is for both mothers and fathers. Creating awareness and educating the public is key. In divorce and custody, BOTH parents should be included.
    “Open letter to alienated fathers…Guys, our children need us. I could care less what the feminist, the idiot family court judges, unethical family court attorneys argue…our children need us! Never, never, never give up the struggle against parental alienation. There is more than one way to battle parental alienation and to re-connect with your children: use social media, reach out to her friends and their parents, school officials, teachers, Sunday school teachers, etc. Educate them about parental alienation, never, never, never criticize the mother, and stay 100% focused on your relationship with your children!”

  13. Here is an emotional account of the heart wrenching reality of parental alienation. Emotional mental health is important in high conflict divorces. If you are devastated because you are unable to have a relationship with your child- please seek help. There are support groups to offer emotional support. There is hope in finding strength with other parents experiencing the same feelings. Suicide is not the answer.

  14. My dreams for my family died with the divorce. The home that was filled with great memories, birthday parties, holidays, our future as a family and growing old together are all gone. Our kids act like they are doing ok. But our family is broken. The foundation was ripped out from underneath them. Divorce ruined my life and destroyed my family.

  15. Divorce was a really rough time in my life. That was 4 years ago and we decided to still live together and raise our children together. We share our home in every way except that we have separate bedrooms. We have become good friends and I think we set a good example to our children that we can forgive the past and move on in an amicable manner. Our kids see us communicate nicely and work together. For now, this works for us.

  16. All parents fight in front of their children. To say my divorce was less than ideal is an understatement! After we decided to divorce, I admit that we fought in front of our children. We didn’t just fight in our two children’s presence. We fought VERY badly. I never realized how terribly we talked to each other until one day. On a beautiful peaceful afternoon, our youngest was playing with her dolls in her room and when all of a sudden I heard her screaming. At the top of her lungs.! In the few seconds that it took as I rushed to her room, I tried to figure out who she was talking to because we were in the house alone. The words she was saying were terrible. Very terrible! All of a sudden it hit me! Like a ton of bricks! Like I had been sucker punched in the stomach! The words she was saying were the words my ex and I exchanged the night before. My heart stopped! My dear sweet absolute angel daughter was talking like the devil. She was just repeating the words she had overheard when me and my ex were fighting.

    I realized then that things need to change. That I need to change.

    God is good! There came a window of opportunity and I was able to have a heart to heart talk with my ex. He agreed that we could not have our 4 year-old fighting like someone who is possessed by the devil. Even though we are unable to live together, one thing is true. We love our children! A lot!

    Things are still not perfect with my ex. We still disagree. But….we have agreed to disagree. Miracle of miracles, we have been able to have a friendly relationship. For four years now. Our children come first.

    That event-hearing my daughter speak like the devil himself changed my life. I will NEVER feel like that again.

  17. When I was young I could not wait to marry! As an adult when we married I thought marriage would be forever……

    Now, I guess forever came sooner than expected.

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